Kotetsu's Reality 2
by Kitanrum
Summary: Based of Tumblr Roleplays.  Kotetsu's screwed up horribly, sleeping with Dark!Ivan because he looked like Barnaby and all he can do is feel horrible.


My Heart Only Beats For You

Tiger & Bunny / Kotetsu x Barnaby

By Kitanrum

A/N: This is based off on RP with origamireversed and brooksbunnyjr. Most of this is headcanon. Enjoy another trippy Kotetsu dream!

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><p>Just about every ounce of drinkable alcohol in the Kaburagi-Brooks household had been exhausted, save for the expensive rose wine Barnaby treasured. Kotetsu had lied in his drunken text message to the blonde that it "sucked"; truth be told Kotetsu started crying when he saw the rose wine because it reminded him of Barnaby. Beer and Vodka had been Kotetsu's comfort for the evening, thought the combination was nowhere near enough to drown the man's troubles.<p>

Kotetsu clung to his phone as it was his only form of contacting Barnaby, regardless of the fact that the blond probably thought of him as lower than scum for what he had done. Right… What had he done? Oh yeah, he'd slept with that Dark Ivan who had pretended to be Barnaby. What an idiot he had been. How could he not even tell the difference between a fake Barnaby and a real one? Had he just been hopeful and thought the blonde spontaneously came home just for him? Just like he'd stopped working to go home and make love to nothing but a fake?

The room was closing in on Kotetsu again; he could feel the walls yelling at him, telling him he was worthless, scum, sullied and sinful. The brunette made a run for the door of the apartment. He needed air and quickly. He stumbled through the halls of the apartment building, falling over himself until he reached the elevator. That had not been the best ideas since the walls of the elevators yelled at him just like Barnaby did. He could hear the others usually calm voice turning angry and screaming into his head.

The opening of the elevator doors was a blessing. Kotetsu stumbled out and ran to the nearest trash can, heaving into it, his bottle of vodka chinking against the metal trash can. He panted harshly, feeling the cold night air on his bare back. Right, he didn't have a shirt on, just his pants. Kotetsu spat into the trash can, wiping the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. The brunette took a swig of the vodka to wash away the bitter taste in his mouth.

Kotetsu shivered, panting as he looked up at the night sky. His hand reached up to grab a moving start, or what he thought was a moving star since everything around him wobbled. The brunette looked back down, padding his way slowly to the railing. His motor skills completely shot, he crashed into the railing and slumped over it, looking down at the busy Gold Stage. "I'm sorry." Kotetsu croaked. "I'll fix you… I'll fix you now, 'cause I said I would. I'll fix you good…" He said. The brunette repeated this quietly, turning it into a mantra. The man set down his bottle of vodka, giving it a gentle kiss. "I'm sorry. Maybe I'll see you again someday." He whispered to it.

Nodding his head, Kotetsu stood up as straight as he could, climbing up the railing. "I'LL FIX YOU NOW! I'LL GO AWAY AND FIX YOU!" Kotetsu shouted out at the sky. He stretched his arms out, tilting his head back. He could feel the powerful wind blowing over him, his hair flailing around his head. "I'LL FIX YOU LIKE I SAID I WOULD!" He shouted again, the tears streaking down his cheeks. His hands went to his face, covering. "I-I'm sorry… I'll die now and fix you…" He whispered. And with that, he leaned back and fell.

Luckily or unluckily for the veteran hero, he had failed to actually step over the railing so while he did fall to the floor, it was to the floor of the roof top patio instead of the sidewalk hundreds of feet below. Kotetsu looked up at the sky above, wondering if he was in heaven or not. "No… I go to hell." He whispered out to the beautiful sky above him. Kotetsu sat up, rubbing his head a little bit. While it hurt, he was too drunk to really care. Snatching the bottle of Vodka, a disappointed hero stumbled back to the elevator, finishing up the bottle and throwing it to the trash. It didn't make it inside and it smashed to pieces on the floor, but Kotetsu kept walking to the elevators, almost falling in when the doors opened.

It was a quick ride back down to his floor; his body on autopilot as it led him straight to his apartment and into his bed, where he lay on his side, ready to hurl whatever else was in him. When he had been sober he had moved a trash can to his side of the bed, apparently aware of what he would do once he was "gone" and replaced by the dark, brooding Kotetsu that liked to drink. There was a small love affair with the trashcan before Kotetsu found comfort in his pillow. It was hard to remember when dream had become the new reality and reality the dream. How could there be such a reality without a Barnaby by his side? That was simply preposterous. Even so, the dreamland Kotetsu made for himself was far from the semi-perfect reality he lived in.

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><p><em>He <em>_stands __in __a __dark __cell, __staring __out __of __the __spaces __between __the __bars __that __made __his __window.__No __birds t__witter __out side __since __there __are __no __trees __for __them __to __nest __on.__He __is __just __alone __in __a __cell __in __a __dark __space. __There __is __a __sudden __tug __on __his __left __hand; __he __looks __and __sees that __his __wedding __ring __has __became __a __sort __of __hand cuff, __but __it __is __connected __to __something __else. __Kotetsu __looks __up __and __see __Barnaby __across __in __an other __cell. __He __runs __up __to __the __door __and __tugs __gently __on __the __chain __to __wake __up __the __other __prisoner. __The __space __between __the __cells __is __small __enough, __so __he __reaches __out t__his __hand __to __the __blond. __Softly __he __calls __the __other, __smiling.__ '__I__'__ll __break __us __free. __Just __watch.__' __Kotetsu __says __softly.__ '__Give __me __your __hand.__' __Kotetsu __smiles, __feeling __the __warmt__h and __in __his __own.__ '__I__'__ll __set __you __free, __just __like __I __said __I __would. __You__'__re __fixed __now.__' __The __man __affirms, __seeing __the __bars __melt __away, __freeing __Barnaby._

_ The blonde runs up to the bars, hugging the brunette through them. 'Why aren't you free? Be free with me.' The younger man pleads, but Kotetsu shakes his head. 'I can't. Not when I've hurt you and broken my promise. You be free... Live without the regrets I have… You are no longer tarnished by me… Be free… For me.' Kotetsu says, smiling, his tears running down his cheeks. Barnaby's wedding ring and chain suddenly slide off the blonds hand and become a ball and chain instead collected just to Kotetsu. 'Be free.' Kotetsu whispers._

_ Barnaby's eyes tear up but he nods and turns away. 'I love you… But not right now.' Kotetsu hears the other say as he walks away. Suddenly, the brunette's eyes are wide. 'Wait! Wait come back! Or love is forever! It's forever!' He shouts. He falls to his knees, the cage around him dissolving into nothingness. A larger Barnaby looms over him, holding Kotetsu in his hand. 'You lied to me and broke me. You were never going to fix me. You'll suffer now.' The blonde says coolly, his hands suddenly curling around Kotetsu an-  
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><p>Kotetsu gasped loudly, staring up at the ceiling. He heard the alarm clock blaring in his ear and reached over to smash it quiet. There was a vicious pounding in Kotetsu's head, his veins angrily pumping blood through his head. Both hands came up to his face, attempting to create some cover from the judging sunlight. He rolled over on the bed, trying to hide away from angry, pure sunlight, stopping short of Barnaby's pillow. He had grown so accustomed to seeing the others sleeping form at his side that he almost saw the others form indented on the mattress and pillow. A cautious hand reached out to pat the area to make sure there really was no one there.<p>

Very slowly, Kotetsu pushed himself up on the bed. He closed his eyes, partially to block out the sunlight but more importantly to concentrate on the sound around him. The brunette strained his ears for five minutes exactly, attempting to hear Barnaby's footsteps, the sound of the tea kettle on the stove or even the sound of the shower; there was only the sound of his own breathing. Amber eyes opened up cautiously to avoid the sudden rush of light flooding them. The glanced around the room to confirm what his ears had heard; he was alone.

With great difficulty, Kotetsu stood up on the cold floor of the apartment. The man stumbled over to the dresser, opening the doors to reach in for his clothes. He was puzzled when he saw a pink button-up rather than a usual green one. Kotetsu looked to his right and saw an identical dressed and opened that. Here he saw all of his own clothes. He looked back over at the dresser before him and frowned gently. "Barnaby's." He whispered, as if saying out loud made it more official.

The veteran hero took the pink fabric and brought it to his face. He took a deep breath and almost held it. _Barnaby__'__s._ How could he have made such a mistake? How could he not have identified the impostor? Kotetsu kissed the pink fabric. "I'm sorry." He whispered into it. Kotetsu put the article of clothing back into the others closet and nodded. He knew what he had to do now.

It didn't matter if whatever came next resulted in his death; Kotetsu was determined to spend every second of the rest of his life proving to Barnaby his love. He was going to make it clear to Barnaby he meant business and that his mistake was unintentional. Gathering his clothes, Kotetsu ran into the bathroom, showering off the shame from the day before off of his body. He was going to get Barnaby back at his side, last night's dream made it clear to him that only the blond could fill in the void that was his heart. "I'm not going to screw up… Not again." Kotetsu said firmly under the spray of the shower. Nothing was going to get in his way.


End file.
